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Post by brian craig eats it on Jun 12, 2006 19:54:49 GMT -5
I've decided to dedicate an official thread to the ridiculousnes that is Reading, PA, and the rest of Berks County. I'm sure Dan Berg will add some terrific stories as well.
Saturday night, June 10th:
So Elizabeth, Dan Berg and myself decided to head over to a carnival that was being held in nearby Blandon, a small town just on the outskirts of Reading and every bit the adjective that its name suggests. Within the first three minutes, Elizabeth and I simultaneously spotted the best/worst/best again t-shirt I've ever seen. This t-shirt stated, simply, this:
"JESUS GOD -R- DONE"
That's right, folks. "Jesus God -R- Done". I didn't think Larry the Cable Guy's "Git -R- Done" catchphrase could be made any white trash-ier, but I was proven wrong. Thank you Reading.
Brian Craig
Reading, Pennsylvania
(Feel free to add your own anecdote about Reading or Berks County.)
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Post by brian craig eats it on Jun 12, 2006 19:57:08 GMT -5
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Post by Dan Berg on Jun 29, 2006 13:30:07 GMT -5
Reading = Flooded
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Post by brian craig eats it on Jul 1, 2006 21:46:11 GMT -5
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Post by brian craig eats it on Jul 1, 2006 21:55:18 GMT -5
...and just to tie it back in to the main theme of the thread, one last flood photo from last week, in all its white trash-iness:  more stories to come soon... -b. |
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Ryan
New Member
Used to be cool back in second grade
Posts: 38
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Post by Ryan on Jul 1, 2006 23:46:09 GMT -5
That girl looks really mad at her boyfriend.
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Post by Paul on Jul 9, 2006 4:13:01 GMT -5
I reckon she looks like she wants me to eat her cooter like a roasted hog.
No, but seriously. Here is the conversation that most likely took place between the two of them before this picture was taken.
Barney: Well there, Gweldoline. I'm real glad that you're my date to the pear festival this weekend. I tell you something, we’re gonna have a great time. My mom’ll pick you up in her Ford Explorer, round eight sharp.
Gwendoline: Barney! Yer mom has a Ford Explorer?
Barney: You bet your fine hine’ she do. It’s a 1996.
Gwendoline: My pop always wanted him a Ford Explorer! But he want a 1998. Same difference, I guess.
(Barney stops, as he and Gwendoline have come to an enormous pubble. A road has flooded. Two young kids stand at the corner in front of them.)
Barney: Well if that don’t beat all! Gwendoline! Look at all the water in the street! One might think that water had someplace to be, bein’ in the street like this!
Gwendoline: Barney, you poor sucker—that water’s not goin anywhere, cause water ain’t got no brains. The road done flooded!
(Young kid number one, Jordan turns around and glares at Barney. His friend, Josiah, looks on. )
Jordan: Are you fucking retarded, you fat shit? It’s raining asshole, and rain is water. Hence, water!
Barney: Well, you know what? I kno what rain is, but I ain’t go a teevee, so… hence… you’re a faggot.
Gwendoline: Barney, we don’t say faggot less we’re talking bout a bunch of sticks.
Justin: No, no. Your fat boyfriend is right. I’m a faggot. I know that sometimes, water comes from the sky. And that means that I liked getting fucked in the ass while blowing another dude. Because I know what water is. It means that.
Barney: It’s true. I read that at the liberry.
Josiah: Hey- fat guy…
Barney: Where’s a fat guy?
Josiah: No. You. The fat motherfucker. Why are you wearing all blue?
Gwendoline: Because this years’ Pear Festival colors are blue and brown. So I’m in brown, and Barney is blue.
Justin: Your name is Barney? Maybe you should try purple.
(Josiah interrupts Justin.)
Josiah: I think you guys look like a blue whale that just took a shit.
Barney: I’m not sure I know what you mean, fella.
Josiah: I’m sure you don’t… fella. Let me explain… real slow.
(The next lines are very slow.)
Josiah: She. Is. Skinny. Turds. Are. Also. Skinny. You. Are. A . Fat. Whale. Which. Means…
(Barney interrupts Josiah . Back to normal speed.)
Barney: I’m sorry, I lost my attention span. Can you star over?
Justin (to Josiah): Okay. I know I have an M80 in my pocket somewhere. Let’s make this whale eat it. We’ll make him blow up like that whale on the internet.
(At this point, the picture was taken. Unfortunately, we have no idea what happened after this point. But, I may cite as evidence a police report about a young blonde girl being DP’d by two 12 year olds.)
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Post by Dan Berg on Jul 10, 2006 6:30:25 GMT -5
I honestly laughed out-loud three times while reading that...and it makes me yearn for new SP articles...
Now...I know I have been neglecting doing part on this board and filling you in on the inner ridiculousness that is Reading, but I can't come up with a full story...
I mean...there are little things...like the guy I see every time I'm at the bowling alley with the cut-off flannel, John Deere cap, and fag stopping boots. Or the retarded family that would always come in to Circuit City as if it was the only place that the parents were allowed to yell at their child. Or the groups of people who meet up at the Old Country Buffet at least 3 times a week and say "This split pea soup is not as good as Tuesday" and get really worried if Bill and Margey didn't come on fried fish night.
It has become harder to think of these things as ridiculous because of this stupid job of mine. By the way, both BC and I were recently hired by the Penske corporation. He got a nice cushy 8:00-4:30 desk job and I work 6:00pm-4:30am at a call center.
All night I deal with truck drivers who have flat tires. I don't know if you knew this or not, but vast majority of truck drivers are rednecks. Yeah! Who-da-thunk-it? You can only imagine some of the conversations I have had. I seriously got to call "Whitey's Truck Repair." I even got to talk to Whitey himself!
So...I am really gonna try to come up with a few great Reading stories...but if all else fails I will just create a "Ridiculous Stories from Penske SOS" thread.
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Post by brian craig eats it on Aug 7, 2006 11:06:34 GMT -5
08-06-06
While traveling east on Rt. 73 in Berks County, Elizabeth and I spotted a limo towing a boat.
more to come.
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Ryan
New Member
Used to be cool back in second grade
Posts: 38
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Post by Ryan on Aug 11, 2006 12:48:07 GMT -5
Do all of these guys live in Reading, too?
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Post by brian craig eats it on Aug 11, 2006 16:51:42 GMT -5
sorry, i've been without my computer for a few days and my eJanitorial duties backed up again. ...like a toilet.
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Post by Dan Berg on Aug 11, 2006 20:46:16 GMT -5
Do all of these guys live in Reading, too? No...it's just Brian Craig and myself...everyone else is smarter than that... |
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Post by brian craig eats it on Aug 13, 2006 10:40:02 GMT -5
I've been saving this one for a while now, but here goes:
So a few months ago, Elizabeth and I are driving home from the large Goodwill store in Shillington, literally across a small bridge from Reading proper. I find myself driving for a few lights behind a late-80s model mini-van with words written on it in window marker. On the back window, it reads:
WE'LL MISS YOU MAIRE
Now, we're sitting there in traffic for a while trying to figure out how one would go about pronouncing this name, "Maire". Eventually, I pull into the left-turn lane and am next to the mini-van, giving me the opportunity to read the rest of the message. It reads as follows:
CONGRATS MIKE AND MARIE
WE'LL MISS YOU MARIE
This guy misspelled his daughter's name, his own daughter's name, in big white window-marker letters on his own damn mini-van!!
Ah, what a country!
wishing you were here,
Brian Craig
Reading, PA
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Post by brian craig eats it on Oct 14, 2006 16:01:07 GMT -5
this speaks more to living around shitty college kids than living in Reading, but here's something that happened recently.
elizabeth and i were pulling into the parking lot of our apartment when we saw two AE-type college guys pulling a white folding table out of the SUV that their parents probably bought them. elizabeth sarcastically said that they were probably setting up a beer-pong table. as we are walking inside, one of them shouted "BEER PONG!!". man.
also, today i saw a tumbleweed rolling across a fairly busy street. i thought that was funny.
reporting live from Reading,
Brian Craig
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Post by Richard Nacamuli on May 1, 2008 18:23:39 GMT -5
I landed at Reading once, on my first solo. The runway was covered with snow but, it was on of my better landings. I didn't stay long as I had to complete the next leg. I got clearance to taxi to the runway and hold. I waited there for about 20 minutes before I decided to call the tower. "Oh, are you still there" "Uh, yeah" "Your cleared for takeoff" "Thanks" My kind of town.
Richard Nacamuli
Richard L. Nacamuli
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